


A Mean Person

by irksomerandirksomer



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Ableism, Angst, Autism, Autism Spectrum, Autistic Tsukishima Kei, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Getting Together, M/M, Neurodiversity, internalized ableism, neurodivergent
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-08
Updated: 2020-10-13
Packaged: 2021-03-06 18:21:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,530
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26353330
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/irksomerandirksomer/pseuds/irksomerandirksomer
Summary: All his life, Tsukishima Kei has been regarded as a mean person. Even those close to him don't seem to think twice about the diminuitive label. As such, he feels his entire personality is controlled by his neurodivergence. He certainly never expects to meet somebody who sees through his rough exterior to the actual person inside, and he never expects that person to become an irreplacable fixture in his life. But, as his brother is fond of telling him, there are some things in life that you simply can't control.
Relationships: Kuroo Tetsurou/Tsukishima Kei
Kudos: 79





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Just a little forewarning: I don't speak any Japanese, I've never been to Japan, and I don't know much about Japanese society or culture. This is mostly in reference to names, and more specifically honorifics, so I will not be employing those at all, and will be mostly sticking to my English way of referring to people in the fic.
> 
> Also the fic kind of has a lot to do with music, and most of the music I know and/or listen to is in English, so I guess expect Tsukki to listen to the same.

All his life, Tsukishima Kei has been regarded as a mean person. He had tried to make friends, at first, but it would always end in tears (for the other kids, never for him.) It's not that he tried to be mean. It's just that words never came out how they sounded in his head. He didn’t know how to carry a conversation with anyone outside of his family, and sometimes he hit the other kids. He never meant to hit anyone, either, but sometimes they just got too close, or talked too loud. He was diagnosed with ASD, or autism spectrum disorder, when he was nine, which is actually pretty late. Looking back on it, Tsukishima thinks that his parents knew all along, but just never could accept him. The moment they got home from the doctor with his official diagnosis, they sat him down and told him that he was special, that he was different, but that didn't make him inferior. This had confused him at the time. The doctor had explained very clearly that he had a neurological disorder, a disability. Of course he was inferior.

He made his first friend well into childhood. There was a small boy with weird hair and freckles who was being picked on by some kids from another class. They must not have known that Tsukishima was disabled, because when he tried to get them to leave him alone -repeating the words someone had said in a movie he saw a few months ago- they actually listened. The boy followed him around after that, said his name was Yamaguchi Tadashi and told him all about himself. He also mentioned that he knew about Tsukishima's sensory and auditory issues -the teacher had told them on the first day of school- so if he overstepped any boundaries he should let him know immediately. After that, they became best friends. Tsukishima played volleyball with Akiteru, his older brother, and eventually convinced Yamaguchi to join in. After that, his life settled back down into a comfortable routine. Up at the same time everyday, same thing for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, school, studying with (or basically tutoring) Yamaguchi for one hour, volleyball with Akiteru for one hour, reading for one hour, bed at the same time everyday. It was nice, and it was safe.

Karasuno was not nice, and it was not safe. His parents and his therapist had told him that it would be the same as every other school that he had attended, but they were dead wrong. The hallways were sticky, for one thing, and everyone's shoes squeaked against the linoleum. For another, drastically worse, thing, everyone seemed to be bothered by his headphones. Teachers always told him to take them off, or put them away, and whenever he tried to explain why he had to wear them, his mouth would get stuck and then he would just stand there making pained faces and cracking his fingers repeatedly until either Yamaguchi showed up to elaborate, or he just walked away. The students seemed to have a problem with his habits too, always glaring at or whispering about his fidgeting and neck-rolling, or telling him he's acting childish when he has to put his feet up on the chair or put his head in his hands. And they made fun of his dinosaurs.

He got through the first day, however, and was walking with Yamaguchi to fill out the volleyball club application forms. It had taken a lot of convincing from both his best friend and his brother that he would have a fun time if he joined, but he still had his doubts. He liked the way the volleyball sounded when there was just one, and he knew exactly where it was coming from at all times, but how would he react if there were multiple volleyballs going at once, or if someone made him hold one for more than a few seconds and he didn’t like the feel of it? And what if the uniforms came in a weird fabric that was too coarse or too rough on his skin, or didn't fit him well around the shoulders or the crotch no matter what size he tried on? The only way he could reassure himself about joining was the thought that it was just a club. He didn't have to get attached to it, and he could quit anytime he wanted. It didn't take too much extra time or effort, either, so it would be okay.

Taking a deep breath, he turned in his completed form to the club leader, turned on his heel, and walked away.

***

Things pretty much settled down after that. The word of his neurodivergence spread pretty quickly around the school, and most of the other students simply ignored him like everyone else. A few kids still leered at him or made fun of his headphones, but he was used to this much, and he still had Yamaguchi in case anything got out of hand. He even scored highly on his first few assignments of the year, too, and he was feeling good. 

On the first day of the second week, he had a scheduled sit down with the supervisor and the captain of the volleyball team, as well as one other third year who seemed to be in charge. The first thing he noticed as he entered the club room for the meeting was the overwhelming smell of sweat. It wasn't a bad smell, exactly, just new, so he had to stand there for a few seconds taking it in before he could move onto the faces in front of him. The second thing he noticed is that all three of the figures in front of him seemed somehow both nice and scary at the same time, which was also unsettling for Tsukishima. He had to focus extra hard to catch their names.

"Please, take a seat!" Sugawara, the light-haired one with the pleasant demeanor and the beauty mark on his cheek beamed up at him. He sat down in the hard plastic chair that was set out for him and took extra care not to fidget or move around too much.

"It's very nice to meet you, Tsukishima, we are looking forward to having you on the team." This came from the teacher with the glasses who's name he was having trouble remembering at the moment. The next to speak was Daichi, the captain.

"Now, the purpose of our meeting is for us to be able accomodate you, both in general, and in the event that something happens, so please, tell us what you need."

Tsukishima took a deep breath. He hated talking about his autism, or even acknowledging outside of the confines of his own head that he had it, but he supposed it was better to get it out of the way now than for something bad to happen later and nobody know what to do with him. 

"Um, so I have these headphones that I wear a lot because of my auditory issues, which is the main thing, but I normally take them off for practice. I get, um, overwhelmed by sound sometimes so I guess I'll just have to leave the gym if it ever happens during practice or a match, which I hope isn't too much of a problem,” he was talking very fast now, determined to finish this quickly, "I also sometimes have these... episodes, I guess you could call them," he really was rambling now, "when I can't walk or talk and I have a problem with people touching me. The best thing to do in those circumstances is to just leave me alone wherever I am until I can think again and then I can walk away, which sucks, I know, but it hasn't happened in like two years so probably won't ever happen on the court." He took a deep breath and finally looked up, unable to discern the looks on the others' faces. "Um, that's it. Sorry I talk a lot, Yamaguchi says I do that whenever I'm nervous."

"That's actually very helpful to us, thank you! We're having a practice match with the other first years tomorrow, by the way, so we'll see you then!" Sugawara says dismissively as he goes to open the door.

That wasn't too bad, he thought to himself as he exited the room. He realized when he left that the smell didn't even bother him anymore, which was a major plus. He found Yamaguchi lingering around outside, and together, they walked home.

***

Tsukishima had really wanted to befriend Hinata and Kageyama when he had first heard about them. The short ginger seemed super nice and bubbly, at least according to Yamaguchi, and the taller of the pair seemed genuinely interested in what Tsukishima had to say, which was new. They were the only other first years who had even spoken to him since school began, and they were already going to spend a lot of time together anyway, so he really wanted their friendship to work out. Of course, however, things never could go his way.

He had heard about Kageyama Tobio through some of his teammates in middle school. Apparently they called him 'king of the court', which Tsukishima had thought was a really cool nickname. So when he encountered the duo practicing outside of the gym, he put on his best smile and put the nickname to the test. Things turned sour quickly, however, and he went home with the same amount of friends as when he had left. Yamaguchi informed him on the way home that his smile had looked more like a sarcastic smirk than anything else, and also told him to stop being mean. A quick phone call to the boy who had told him about the 'king of the court' in the first place explained exactly why he had been mean.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes it took me over a month to update. Yes I wrote this all in one go. Yes I played heavily into cliches because I couldn't come up with a better way to advance the story. Yes we're feeling a lil rushed.

The second time Tsukishima saw the Nekoma captain was significantly different than the first. Upon their meeting at the practice match, they had hardly spoken two words to each other. He hadn’t paid him any mind, and wasn’t expecting to speak to him or get to know him at all at the training camp.

He was back on the bus, late in the evening. All his stuff was already inside, but he had misplaced his headphones and couldn’t seem to find them. He was crouched in the aisle looking under the seats when Kuroo climbed on board, accidentally closing the door behind him.

“Yo. Tsukishima, right? I saw the light on and was wondering if you need any help.” 

The blond straightened up in the aisle, but simply stood staring. Kuroo smiled a half-smile and quipped, 

“See something you like?”

Tsukki blinked before finally speaking. 

“The doors automatically lock from the outside without a key.”

Kuroo’s eyes widened, before turning on his heel in a futile attempt to get the door open. Unsurprisingly, it didn’t give. He let out a nervous breath. “... and you don’t happen to have the key, do you?”

“Well, it’s in my bag,” he took a calming breath, trying not to get upset, “along with my phone and jacket. Which is sitting right there.” He gestured out the window, to his duffel lying on the pavement a few feet away.

“Shit. I’m so sorry, I really just wanted to see if you need help…” he trailed off, looking to the side awkwardly. Tsukishima took another calming breath and squeezed his eyes closed. In an attempt to quell his growing anxiety, he shook his arms out and sat down, figuring that there was nothing he could do at this point. Kuroo seemed to notice his nervousness.

“Hey, are you okay? Again, I’m really really sorry,”

He took yet another deep breath before responding.

“Your phone?”

Kuroo froze for a second, before digging into his jacket pocket and sitting down across the aisle from him. 

“It’s almost dead, but I should be able to text Kenma really quick…” His fingers moved rapidly across the screen, and Tsukishima watched him hit send just before the screen went black.

Locked myself in Karasuno bus with blond middle blocker. SEND HELP!!!

***

After fifteen minutes, Tsukishima made peace with the fact that nobody was coming. It was dark already, so there was a good chance that Kenma was already asleep. He hadn’t moved in that time, aside from drumming his fingers against his thighs. Kuroo, on the other hand, had paced the bus a dozen times, and had tried each exit nearly twice that.

Tsukki sighed and let his head fall forwards onto the seat in front of him. Kuroo seemed to finally adopt his attitude, as he plopped back down near him in defeat. Tsukishima leaned back and turned his head to look at the Nekoma captain. His hair, spiked up on one side and flat on the other, was as unruly as usual, but for some reason, Tsukki thought it looked kind of good. He huffed, and resigned himself to spending the night with this almost-stranger.

“Tsukishima Kei.” He spoke eventually.

Kuroo looked somewhat startled, probably not expecting the other to speak first.

“What?”

“You typed ‘blond middle blocker’ to Kenma, but you were right about my name earlier.”

“Oh,” he spoke softly, followed by “Kuroo Tetsurou.”

They lapsed into silence for a little bit, and it was fairly comfortable, at least for him, but as the crickets and other nature sounds took over, Tsukishima found himself fidgeting in his seat. Finally, he spoke up.

“Hey, you didn’t happen to see white headphones on the bus, did you? That’s actually what I was looking for earlier, and as they’re bluetooth, I figured they could connect to my phone from here.”

“Oh yeah!” Kuroo replied easily, “I actually saw them under this bench here, but I wasn’t gonna touch them cause I figured someone left them here on purpose or something.”

He reached under the seat and came back with his headphones. However, instead of just handing them over like Tsukishima had expected, he held them out with his opposite hand and sat down next to him, forcing him closer to the window.

“Are you really going to listen to music and ignore me, though? Do you think my conversational skills are that boring? If we’re locked in here together, we should at least try to get to know each other before you shut me out.”

Tsukki easily could have grabbed his headphones, played his music, and gone to sleep. But for some reason, his interest had been piqued, so he simply sat there and did nothing. Kuroo, a small smile spreading over his lips, evidently sensed his acquiescence and continued.

“Alright, tell me about yourself,” He began, before seeing the glare that the other was sending his way. He laughed, before speaking again.

“Fine, I’ll go first. Hi, my name’s Kuroo Tetsurou. I’m a third year captain at Nekoma. I’m very interested in STEM, specifically chemistry, and I like reading fantasy books.” He grinned at Tsukki, apparently expecting him to just parrot something similar back to him. He wasn’t, however, expecting the next thing to come out of Tsukishima’s mouth.

“Chemistry. Are you any good?”

Kuroo supplied quickly that he got mostly Cs and Bs, which he seemed pretty proud of.

“Huh. So you’re not. Any good, that is.”

Kuroo stared, shocked, at Tsukishima’s indifferent face, before looking away and mumbling, “You’re actually kind of mean, you know that?”

Tsukki sighed, yet again, wondering why he was going along with Kuroo’s game, but speaking up anyway.

“Tsukishima Kei, but Yamaguchi calls me Tsukki. First year middle blocker. Um, I do quite well in school, but I’m not particularly interested in any one subject.” He paused, glancing briefly at the one whose attention he managed to recapture, before adding quietly, “I do like dinosaurs though.”

A loud and boisterous laugh echoed through the small bus, followed by, “Tsukki. I like that. And dinosaurs?” He laughed again. “You really are an odd character, huh?”

Tsukishima scowled, feeling somehow like he was being made fun of, but not being able to pinpoint exactly how. He grabbed his headphones out of the other’s loose grasp, slipping them over his ears and settling in against the window.

He closed his eyes and clicked the button on his headphones that played the music, the volume already quite loud. What was it exactly about Kuroo that got on his nerves so much? His voice, he thought to himself, his stupid voice and laugh are what really do it for him. But, as he drifted off into sleep, he felt Kuroo move away from him. And he couldn’t help but think that the absence, and silence, was somehow worse.

***

“Hey,” he whispered, sure to keep his voice low, “have you seen Tsukishima?”

Kageyama scowled up at him, but whether he was annoyed at being interrupted or being asked about Tsukki, Yamaguchi couldn’t be sure. He slipped out of the room after that, deciding to just look for his friend. It was already past midnight, and most everyone was asleep, or trying to get there. He had almost passed out himself, before realising that the bedspread next to him was empty and untouched.

As he was walking down the hallway, he saw Ukai talking to Nekoma’s captain, as well as their setter, Kenma. He slowed down so that he could listen to their conversation a little before approaching.

“Shoyo said the tall one, Tsukishima, was missing as well. They hardly know each other!” That was Kenma, sounding uncharacteristically agitated.

“You’re sure they didn't just run off?”

“Tsukki wouldn't do that,” Yamaguchi spoke up, feeling somehow as if he was defending his friend.

Ukai looked back at him before sighing.

“He's right, he wouldn't be reckless, but we've been looking for an hour already. I really don't think they’re in any danger, so how about we get a few hours of sleep, and pick this up in the morning? Yeah?”

There was some grumbling from Kenma, but no disagreements. Yamaguchi turned around feeling defeated and significantly more worried, but resigned to the fact that there was nothing he could do.

***  
Tsukishima awoke to the obnoxious glare of the sun in his eyes. He felt groggy and disoriented as he became more and more aware of his surroundings. A bus. His headphones. Kuroo. He sat up as soon as he remembered, snapping his head around. Kuroo was still there, so it wasn’t all a dream. He was on the bench opposite, his knees pulled up to his chest, staring up at the roof of the bus.

“Good morning,” He said, not bothering to look at Tsukishima.

“What time is it? Did you even sleep?”

“I’d say it’s around six. I got a couple hours, but it’s not like I can get too comfortable.” He finally looked forward, a cat-like grin enveloping his features. Tsukki rubbed his eyes and stretched his arms above his head. As he let his arms fall, he noticed that Kuroo was still looking at him, warily.

“What?”

“Um, I’m not quite sure how to say this, but it rained last night. Like, a lot. And your bag wasn’t under any shelter, so…”

Tsukishima whipped around to see just how much damage had been inflicted on his duffel. It was soaked through. He didn’t really care about anything in there, but he knew his phone would be ruined, and his parents couldn’t afford to replace it on such short notice. He let out a frustrated groan, banging his head on the window. Kuroo coughed awkwardly.

“On the bright side, Kenma usually gets up early, so he should be getting my text any minute-”  
He was cut off by the sound of the school doors being thrown open, revealing the aforementioned setter, along with Yamaguchi and Ukai. Tsukki stood quickly, moving to the front of the bus just as it was unlocked. He felt the questions the others wanted to ask him, but he wasn’t in the mood to answer, so instead he went to inspect the water-damage of his belongings. He tuned out Kuroo explaining the situation, instead holding up his phone and watching the water drain out of it. He was vaguely aware of the others moving away, but all he could do was sit back and stare at his ruined things.

“Are you okay?” It was just Kuroo, everyone else must have gone inside. His voice was really gentle, as if he was afraid that Tsukishima would break. That just pissed him off more. He stood with his things, eventually turning to face him.

“This is your fault,” There wasn’t any anger in his words. They were emotionless; he was just stating fact. Nevertheless, Kuroo flinched like he had been slapped, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly.

“Look, I’m really sorry, but if you let me-” Tsukishima didn’t let him finish, instead brushing past him and heading inside. He hated that he had to spend a night inside a bus for nothing. And he hated the growing feeling inside his chest, which was definitely not anger, even more.

**Author's Note:**

> prepare for updates to be erratic and irregular at best, sorry


End file.
